Brené Brown: How Vulnerability Holds the Key to Emotional Intimacy

I think life sort of works like this – the more we seek something, the more the universe finds ways to introduce and incorporate it into our lives.  Our life is the sum total of our focus – that’s it.  My spiritual journey has consisted of several epiphanies that seem to have gotten more specific as time goes on.

This article found its way into my life today, and it hit home in ways I can’t explain.  The journey to become more vulnerable is hard, and its beautiful.  A must read:

Brené Brown: How Vulnerability Holds the Key to Emotional Intimacy.

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The PhD Journey – Part one

 

 

{Cue the horror movie music}

Nah, I’m kidding.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been rough, but I’ve honestly learned more about myself during these past five years than I knew in a lifetime before I began.  So I’m thankful, because everything happens for a reason (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

This is going to be the first of several posts dealing with this subject, because it is an ongoing journey (I’m currently in the midst of my dissertation, setbacks and all) so as I continue I’ll keep posting.  I’m also going to try really really hard to not complain.  But I’m human,  so I’ll probably complain.

One thing I’ve learned about myself is, I do not like asking for help.  I have, in the past, had a serious struggle with imperfection. Which is pretty much shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to getting a doctorate, or life in general.  But, I’m learning that asking for help isn’t me being inadequate, or incapable.  It’s being human.  

I was raised in a very very strict household where what my parents said was what it was.  I learned not to question my parents early on because, well, that’s how peace was kept and that’s how you show respect as a child.  You must also understand that my parents are born and raised Togolese (a teeny tiny country on the African West Coast) so that’s how their families taught them and they didn’t know any differently.  I kind of appreciate it because they kept me on a relatively straight and narrow, private Catholic school path, (of course, I deviated every now and then, but we won’t tell anyone) and I wouldn’t be so driven to push beyond my own boundaries if it wasn’t for them.  They taught me that anything is possible and if I want to do something, be the best at it.  On the other hand, as so many things in life, it has been a double-edged sword.

Think of it like this.  What type of person hires someone to edit their manuscript, and pours over it before submitting it to make sure that it’s perfect?  Or, if something is not done in an absolutely perfect way, wanting to just give up?  Or, spending 12 continuous hours on one problem because I have to solve it?  Yeah, that’s me.  The tragic perfectionist.

I truly believe in the metaphysical principle of a spiritual realm, and coming to the Earth plane to learn tough lessons.  It’s pretty ironic that someone who is such a perfectionist would be on a journey like this that has been so perfectly imperfect.  I couldn’t even begin to describe all of the setbacks, disappointments, struggles, self criticism, and tears that have come with this journey.  But like I said, I’m thankful. I’m learning that perfection doesn’t exist.  To keep striving for an unattainable goal instead of finding contentment in the process, shifting perspective, and learning to appreciate the journey is setting yourself up for failure.  

I think that we face the exact challenges we need to go through, to let go of the traits in us that hold us back the most. Like Morgan Freeman said in Bruce Almighty, when you ask for something, does God give it to you or does he give you the opportunity to get it yourself?  I figure, I probably couldn’t learn to let go of my perfectionist habits any other way.

And I’m thankful.

 

7,000 Reasons Your Uniqueness May Be Plagiarism

Was profoundly drawn to this post!! Synchronicity at its best – kinda creepy and cool at the same time.

Lark & Bloom

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I live in America where there is a continual conversation about one’s individuality. We love to take tests to see what our strengths and skills are. Shelves are full of books to help us discover our unique composition and  how to capitalize on it.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for self-awareness. According to Myers Briggs I am an ENTP, which pretty much nails me. Knowing who we are is essential to understanding what we were made to do and how we were made to do it, but it is also where the problem comes in.

What is the problem?

I think we are each put on this earth to accomplish a certain task. You can call it what you want – destiny, mission or calling. I believe that our being here serves a purpose and that we are each divinely made to see that accomplished. My own belief…

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Can’t think of a catchy title so…life, I guess…

I recently watched Contact, a movie starring Jodie Foster, where she attempts to discover whether there is life in the universe other than on Earth.  If you’ve never watched it, run and go see it.  Seriously, the spiritual implications are astounding.

Anyway, as I was pondering the movie, I was thinking about us as a human species and how seriously backwards we are.  All the time Typically, we live for ourselves.  Okay, maybe more often than typically.  Sure, we volunteer, give to the Salvation Army during the holidays, and maybe sometimes we even let someone merge in front of us on the highway.  Or let someone who has 2 items in the grocery store line skip in front of us.  And we feel proud of ourselves for doing it, as we should.  But, what if EVERYONE lived for everyone else, all the time?  Like, what if we didn’t think about ourselves or careers and jobs, our own money, what others thought of us, our own families and personal circles, but literally lived as though we always came last?  How different would our world look?

But if we do that, what if the next person doesn’t do it?  Should that be a deterrent to living that way anyway?

We’re all in this together, we just have to realize it first.  We can literally reshape the way the world is with our actions and with a perspective shift.

Fear is powerful.  I guess that’s the hardest part of the journey.

New journey of self-exploration and vulnerability

So…new blog, new ideas, fresh start…

I’m so excited to start this blog!  This was definitely a random moment of inspiration (hint: nothing is random) and I was inspired to write down all of the new and incredible things I’m experiencing.

One thing about me that I’ve always yet never really known (I know, that’s weird right?!  Tell me about it.)…

I. HATE. BEING. VULNERABLE.

There.  I said it.  I hate exposing my private life and inner workings to the world because I know how easily life and its experiences can be taken out of context.  Not necessarily on purpose, we can only experience life through our own lens.  It’s difficult to put ourselves completely in others’ shoes because then, well, we’d be them!  We can only do it in part, which leaves room for error.  And that room for error scares the shit out of me.

And that’s the exact reason I’m starting this blog.

Franklin D. Roosevelt’s famous quote is “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”  So true. The only way to conquer fear?  Do the thing that you fear.  Face the fear head on and let God take care of the rest.

So, world, I’m going to expose myself.  The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.  It’s time to see what I’m really made of, and I’d like to take you for the ride.